Denise Richards: It’s Complicated Recap1.3 -- No Jacket Required ( Part 2)

Denise explains that she has a meeting with “a big producer” and wants him to see a “less sexy side” of her. Michelle says “Oh okay.” like that makes sense.
Denise demonstrates for real that the shirt is, in fact, merely a dickey by yanking it out of the top of her sweater. Irv enters and loves the outfit. “You look like a business woman almost. Very professional.” he says. She usually looks “professional” , just in a slightly different connotation.
They all agree that the outfit is perfect. Irv hopes the meeting goes well. “And if it starts going south start unbuttoning some of those.” suggests Michelle. “Yeah, I’ll take my clothes off for him.” jokes Denise. Funny cause it’s true, Denise.
It’s the day of Denise’s big meeting. She’s nervous. She hugs Joel (good start), he’s credited as “producer of Die Hard and The Matrix” and she’s introduced to some other woman who works for Joel.
This whole thing seems awkward to me. I mean, most of us know what this kind of networking interview is about, whatever business you’re in. You go seeking advice, but secretly you’re hoping the person will love you and give you a job or at least a lead on one. But sometimes they just give you advice, because that’s what you asked for. Conveniently, Joel Silver advises Denise to pursue sitcom television, something he doesn’t appear to be involved in. I don’t think that’s accidental. Maybe she should have worn the slut clothes.
Joel holds forth like someone who really doesn’t give a shit but just likes to hear himself talk. He says that she’s “very funny” and that people don’t realize how funny she is. Denise asks if he thinks she could play a “girl next door part.” There’s a noticeable editing thing where it sort of seems like he answers that question in the affirmative but I’m not really sure that he did. The issue here isn’t about Denise’s personal life, or image. The issue here is that Denise is very attractive, but can’t act for shit.
The woman starts talking and you can see Denise’s eyes glaze over. I don’t think she knows how to talk to intelligent women, which this woman seems to be. The woman gives her decent advice about not veering between two extremes and Denise says “Exactly.” in a way that makes it clear she’s not listening and only wants to hear from Joel Silver.
Joel says “You’re young, you’re beautiful, you have a lot going for you.” I can’t help but notice that he does not say “you’re talented”
He ends up by telling her to follow her path and dorkily adds “You know, Neo, in The Matrix, he followed his path, you know?” Yes, Denise, pattern your career on Neo’s life.
She leaves and goes in for the full body hug again. Joel compliments her on her “conservative look” as she exits. Which kind of defeats the point of dressing that way, if everyone knows it’s a costume and that usually you dress like a club slut.
Denise returns home where Kim and Trish are sitting on the floor of her bathroom, apparently just waiting for her. She claims the meeting went really well and Joel Silver said she should do a sitcom. Note, he did not offer her a sit come or direct her towards someone who would. He just suggested it. So of course, now Denise has abruptly decided to mold her entire career path based on this offhand advice. If I were this woman’s agent I would want to strangle her daily. She pulls off her conservative top, letting us all see her bra and pulls on a tank top, while checking herself out in the mirror.
She claims that Joel Silver said that she could “definitely play, you know, smart, girl next door type of parts” which we absolutely did not hear him say.
So now she’s not going to do Playboy, she’s going to do Shape because she wants to do something “for women.” “Maybe I could do Playboy later. And we could all go to St. Barthes.” The ladies laugh.

Denise is in the kitchen with her father and her daughter Lola. She decides to take this opportunity to tell him that she’s decided to do the cover of Shape instead of Playboy. Irritatingly, she decides to censor the conversation about it in front of her daughter by spelling out P-L-A-Y-B-O-Y , sayings she can still be S-E-X-Y without being too S-L-U-T-T-Y. So that people won’t think she’s a W-H-O-R-E. Irv agrees.
“Lola,” she asks her daughter, who for some inscrutable toddler reason is sucking on a big slab of ice “can you spell? Because when you can spell I’m in big trouble.” Unfortunately, it’s when her daughters can read that Denise should worry about. But far be in from me to ruin this warm family moment.
Later on, Denise tells her Dad she’s got a “big surprise” for him upstairs. I hate surprises on reality television for the same reason I hate them in real life. They’re usually lame.
Irv walks upstairs carrying Michelle’s baby. Irv as grandpa is pretty cute. He finds Michelle, Kim and Denise looking intimidating in the bathroom. They seriously eye him like they’re a girl gang and they’re all about to rumble.
“Okay, here’s the deal:” Denise says gratingly “Nellie and I have had a uni-brow since we were five years old. And so we’ve had to groom our brows. And not that you don’t groom your brows…” He does!?!? “ I think we can groom them a little more.”
Their solution to this problem is to have to Kim wax Irv’s brows. He does more sexual-sounding moaning like he did in the spa. I really like Irv but he creeps me out a little in this episode. “It frickin’ hurts” he complains. “Imagine…your..vagina” Denise says incoherently while struggling to open a bottle of wine. She just isn’t happy unless she gets to say vagina once an episode. It is wearisome.
“Since I don’t have one I can’t imagine it, but I wouldn’t want you to be waxing my crotch.” See what I mean about Irv this episode? Is this necessary? Does Denise let the girls watch the show? Who needs to hear about Grandpa’s crotch? Irv, you can do better.
“God, God… darn Denise” grouses Irv, lovable for not swearing “You didn’t have to have her do the ears”
Then Denise has one more thing for him, despite Irv’s insistence that he’s “good.” He does look better.
A woman enters with one of those rolling suitcases. “Guess what Alana’s doing for you?” asks Denise. “I have no idea.” lies Irv, clearly hoping that he’s finally going to get his happy ending.”Sunset Tan.” he reads with disappointment off her tight tank top. “I’m getting my dad a spray tan.” Denise informs us in interview “Because I get a spray tan. ” And laughs evily. That is logic that could get Irv in trouble pretty quickly.
Irv insists he’s not taking his clothes off and creeps us out further by saying “Couldn’t they have sent somebody ugly if I have to take my clothes off?” Everyone laughs like this is funny and not uncomfortable. I don’t even want to parse why that’s a problem for him.
Irv stands in the shower in his tighty-whities and a shower cap saying “This is embarrassing.” Why yes it is, Irv. Sunset Tan lady looks like she wants to die. She begins to spray him and asks “What are you tanning for?” Irv has no idea, ask Denise. Blah blah red-carpet event, Irv complains.
Hey it’s Michelle’s husband Brandon! He’s kind of cool, in a dicky older brother kind of way. Irv looks truly ridiculous standing there with his arms out like Jesus getting spray tanned in his briefs. Brandon stands in the door and laughs at him like a tool. “We’ll keep this between you and I.” he lies ungrammatically in front of the cameras.
Irv stands there orangley in a white bathrobe. “I have one last thing.” says Denise threateningly. “I don’t trust her.” says Irv, which is pretty much the smartest thing he’s said all episode.
Next day at the Richard’s ranch.”Guess what came? “ demands Denise “I ordered you a suit.” “My dad has been such a great sport during his makeover.” she gushes. We see a brief montage of the treatments that Irv has undergone.

Denise tells him that when she goes to events she has “hair and makeup come.” And that they’ll be doing “men’s grooming”on him. Irv laughs and asks what that means. I think he would have figured that out by now.
We see Irv sitting in Denise’s enormous bathroom getting a smock pulled around him. There appear to be about 6 people there to work on them. Oh dear, they’re coloring Irv’s hair. They dye his gray hair and he eyes himself in the mirror rather vainly. I think it looks pretty awful. I mean, I’m sure it’s a nice dye job but he looked better with gray temples.
Denise and her father walk down the stairs of her house arm and arm. “I’m excited.” Denise says in her dead voice. “This is the first time we’ve done this since Starship Troopers.” Only in Denise’s world does anyone actually even remember that movie. And I suppose she didn’t bring Irv to the premiere of Wild Things.
They show a shot of Graman’s Chinese Theater in LA but it’s not clear if that’s where the event actually is taking place or it’s just a random “Hollywood” shot. Denise and her father stand on the red carpet and a reporter says “I hear that you had a makeover.” to Irv. “A spray tan maybe?” she notices. “A spray tan.” he answers ”In my underwear.” Was that necessary Irv?
There’s a bald guy standing behind them acting like he’s listening to their conversation but clearly trying to get some press for himself. He looks familiar and it’s killing me. Not like really famous familiar, more like random D-list familiar.
Irv and Denise exchange niceties for us: “thanks for coming” “It was nice” etc. and hug. More meaningless summing up in the limo about Mom passing away, moving forward, etc. Trust Denise to try and make a stunt makeover for her Dad into something faux-meaningful. Denise says that her mother would be “so proud” of him. Including the stuff about the Vietnamese massage? I’m not so sure.
We end with Denise talking about her Shape cover photoshoot. Predictably enough she’s “so excited.” This time it’s because she gets to work with her “two most favorite [sic] models, Sammy and Lola.” It’s the Mother’s day issue and they’ve decided to feature Denise and her daughters. Apparently this makes Denise miss her mom so she cries. They take some nice pictures of her and the girls and then, according to Denise, it’s time to “spice it up for the cover.” Denise stands around in hooker shoes and a red bikini. Denise tells us (another thing she says nearly every episode) that it’s okay to be a mom and still be sexy.
Coming up next week: Personal assistant drama. And a stripper pole.