Denis Richards: It’s Complicated Recap 1.2 (Denise vs. Tabloids) Part 2

I don’t entirely know what to say about this, since if the point was to give Denise the opportunity to make her arguments on television I’m not sure why they allowed Naff to be so cogent. Unlikeable, yes, but not ridiculous or especially mean or blatantly wrong. Her point, made again and again, is that the public perception is that Denise courted this press – she leaked the court documents, spoke to the tabloids and called the paparazzi on herself. I’ll admit, that’s my perception too, though there’s not a lot of proof for some of it. Naff made the point that basically, it’s hard to use the press to fix bad press. People don’t hate Denise for accusing Sheen of terrible things in her custody battle – that shit happens and most people know it. People hate her because they believe she leaked her testimony to discredit him. Does she not get this? I mean, I guess if she didn’t leak the papers (or her “people” didn’t) then this would be truly infuriating, but I have trouble believing this. Along with, apparently, most of the free world.

Denise meets up with her agent, the unfortunately-lipped Chuck James. She relates the story of her dealing with the journalist and admits that she didn’t handle it right. She claims she was “crying her eyeballs out.” Which sidesteps the fact that she was also a huge bitch to her. Chuck gives her the advice that nearly everyone seems to give her on this show: “to go on the record, one time.” One of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting different results. Another one might be accepting advice about image from a man who did whatever Chuck James did to his lips, presumably because he thought it looked good.
I grow weary of hearing Denise accept this terrible advice, but then again, I chose to watch this show. I accept my punishment. Chuck advises Denise to choose the “most reputable” of the magazines that have approached her and from this unrevealed list she selects Redbook. I actually didn’t know Redbook still existed, but I guess I don’t want to know what came in second.
I think I could make a drinking game out of this show where you drink every time someone says something about Denise “setting the record straight” or letting people “judge for themselves.” I don’t think I’m even going to recap when people say that anymore. Just assume that if someone’s mouth is moving, they’re telling Denise that.
Much is made of Denise’s momentous decision to talk to Redbook. It seems like every time she talks to the press she claims it’s the first time or the only time or the last time she’s going to talk to the press. She needs to 12 step about this issue or something because it doesn’t make any sense. She talks to the press a lot. That’s fine, she’s a celebrity of sorts, but stop claiming you’re not while you’re doing it.
Denise is on the phone with Redbook, hitting her flat Midwestern vowels pretty hard for some reason “I’m flattered and so thrilled, because it’s a great magazine geared towards moms.” she lies. Irv looks on with his arms crossed. You know, I’m not crushing out on the guy or anything, besides the fact that he’s obviously the only person on this show who isn’t an enormous asshole, but he’s really in pretty good shape for an older guy. I’m just saying. Denise tells us that she’s going to “be honest” during the interview. A strategy that continues to fail her. Maybe she should try lying?
More gonna set the record straight bravado. Denise tells her Dad that she doesn’t care what people think and is just going to be herself. Mistake number one, Ms. Richards.
The sun rises on the Day of the Big Redbook Photoshoot. Denise loves photoshoots, she tells us. She’s nervous though because her interviewer, a sharp-faced woman that could be Lycia Naff’s twin in terms of overall demeanor, is there. The woman smiles icily as she looks on. Denise consults with her hair and makeup people about the interview and what she should say. I guess her agent and publicist, the people presumably hired to advise her on such matters were unavailable? It’s more likely, though, that Denise is just the sort of person who asks everyone for advice until someone tells her what she wants to hear.
They advise her to be careful and you know, not say dumb stuff.
Photoshoot montage. She has nice features, but as she’s aged her smile has gotten kind of tight and ugly. The photos look very Redbook. Professionally done, but definitely aiming to not make their Middle American readers uncomfortable with too much glamour. Sort of sexy but in a very bland way.
Back at home, Denise consults with Irv before the interview. Denise proclaims that she’s not censoring herself. Irv, once again the (ignored ) voice of reason says “I don’t see any problem with that. But there are repercussions for doing that. And then the whole catfight starts all over again.” Irv could be speaking in tuba sounds, like the parents on Charlie Brown cartoons for all Denise listens to him. Maybe that’s what the Charlie Brown parents were doing – giving their kids sage career advice. And the kids just never listened.
The soundtrack’s doorbell rings. Denise answers the door in pink pajamas, decorated with images of mudflap girls. Interesting choice is all I’m saying. I actually went and read this interview online, because that is the kind of thorough and meticulous researcher that I am. And since it’s hard to tell from this segment how the interview went, I admit I was a little bit hoping Denise would be skewered. But it’s not that bad. It’s pretty blah, actually.
The interviewer thanks her for talking with her. I don’t want to go off to hard on the interviewer’s appearance, but since she appears to have had at least her nose done, it’s really hard not to wonder how huge her nose was before. Because now it just looks like a plastic-surgery nose but HUGE. Okay, I’m done. I kind of like her. I’m a bit surprised how sort of hard-hitting and industry-savvy these entertainment reporters seem to be. I would never ever want to be them, or even talk to them, but so far I’m grudgingly impressed. Neither Lycia nor this woman seem remotely stupid or shallow. Though they both come off kind of bitchy, as this woman does when she starts the interview by saying “Let’s just talk a little bit, in those self-reflective moments, do you go, where did I make a…misstep?” Ominous soundtrack thumps while Denise gamely tries to keep her bitch face off her mug and Redbook lady does a pretty good Lycia Naff impression by putting her hand on her chin and looking on impassively. Who knew entertainment reporters were tough as nails? “I know what you’re getting at..” stammers Denise, after a pause “The Heather and Ritchie thing.”Well” equivocates Redbook lady, trying not to sound like the barracuda we know she is “To me that…it was just…you know, oh she stole…her…husband” she manages to say this with a sort of shrug. “And what’s worse, is she was a friend.” A threatening shot of the reporter’s tiny tape recorder. Denise holds her chin thoughtfully and somehow manages to appear as if this particular aspect of this situation simply never occurred to her. You can almost see her mind whirring “Hm, maybe I should put “husband-stealer” in my show’s opening credits…”
After the break, the editing shows us the same conversation, pretty much exactly as before. Just so we know where we stand and to set up one of the few reasonable answers to this question. “How does someone really steal someone’s husband?”counters Denise and, much as I hate to say it, she does have a point. “Well, I work in the world of celebrity journalism…” replies Redbook lady which sort of doesn’t make that much sense. Editing tries to make us believe that Denise has trumped this woman and struck her speechless with her stunning logic.”They don’t.” Redbook lady finally allows. Denise interviews that the press “talks out of their ass.” Denise goes on with the rest of her defense on this issue – she and Heather hadn’t been friends for “months” when she and Ritchie got together. As well as the whole thing about how they were already broken up and Denise and Ritchie didn’t have an affair.
Denise claims that her mistake in all of this has been that she “tried to take the high road.” Um,really? Really? And let it blow over. Denise says that she doesn’t regret going out with Ritchie and that he showed her how it felt to be “very loved.” Redbook lady changes tack and lobs this softball over the plate: “And is part of your deal with the show, to show America that there are other sides of you that people don’t know?”
“There are so many sides of me that people don’t know!” insists Denise. The thing is, Denise, those sides need to be interesting. Denise launches into a pity party about not being able to leave her house and her mother dying. She then goes into the standard bullshit line for people who are whoring themselves out to the media that she wants to help “others” – people who might be experiencing the death of a parent, or an awful divorce or being a single mom raising two kids. Or, one assumes, people experiencing their ex-husband’s fiancée leaking emails to the press in which you request your ex’s sperm. Just ordinary people, living and struggling.

Denise wraps up by saying that hope is to continue to live “in the moment” and to enjoy her life while instilling the values in her daughters that her parents instilled in her. I’m sorry, did you say something Denise? I must have just dozed off for a moment there.
“I think what you’re doing, ultimately, f or women, is really important” lies the Redbook lady amazingly. How can that possibly be how she really feels? Of course, this is the kind of stuff that Denise loves to hear because it inflates both her sense of self-importance and her feeling that she’s been unfairly treated. Maybe she should put Redbook lady on the payroll. Trish is getting kind of mouthy.
Irv is frying something vaguely delicious-looking in the kitchen when Denise wanders in and says that she thought it went okay. Irv, who we’re meant to believe was listening the whole time over the sound of his wok, says that he thought it went well, but she swore a couple of times. I had utterly forgotten that ridiculous subplot so for a minute I thought he was just, once again, giving her good advice. That is, don’t say “fuck” to the Redbook lady if your goal is to have her not think you’re a dumb slut. But no, he’s talking about their silly bet about her swearing.
So now she has to give away a dozen pairs of designer shoes. I’m not entirely sure why they are taking thousands of dollars worth of shoes and just dropping them off at the Goodwill. Do they think people who shop for clothes at the Goodwill wear Jimmy Choo? Conveniently they’ve dropped them off in the boxes with the Polaroids on them. For all the other single moms out there with professionally organized shoe closets.
The only redeeming thing about this segment is that Irv refers to one of Denise’s pairs as “hooker shoes.”
Next week: Denise gets spray tanned in her shower! And then, presumably, gets down on her hands and knees and scrubs it. Because it’s just “her and the girls”.